Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Good Samaritan Gas Tank Paparrazi

Yes, that's my gas tank. La Fonda the Honda's gas tank to be exact. Yes, that's a wad of paper keeping it closed.

Yes, we're classy.

La Fonda III is getting on up there in age. Along with an increase in mileage come many random issues. One being, the gas tank refusing to open while we're running on empty at a gas station in Louisiana. Joey had to pry it it open. Hence, it now will not close.

As the gas tank has been the least of her issues, it has been the last thing on our mechanic's list to fix.

This is also what has put me on the radar of The Good Samaritan Gas Tank Paparazzi. Driving around with your gas tank slightly ajar is similar to riding around town with Lindsey Lohan as a hood ornament.

Every time someone drives by I am mentally repeating "Please don't notice my gas tank. Please don't notice my gas tank."

They slow down. They speed up. They flail their arms. They yell. They do a lot of pointing. They hang out of the window. They run after me in parking lots. They sometimes ride with their seats way back and in scary cars.

You would think I was about to drive off a cliff to imminent death.

I give them the thumbs up and mouth 'thank you' and I've lifted their spirits because they believe they have performed a random act of kindness.

Meanwhile, I'm shaking off paranoia and gathering back both my roadside dignity and anonymity.

The open gas tank is the vehicular version of the untied shoe lace. I'm sure a serial killer would give a friendly alert to a driver with their gas tank open. On second thought, he might see it as an opportunity. Hmm. I'm going to choose not to think about this right now, yet mentally file it away.

What is the risk for driving around with the door to the gas tank open? As far as I can tell, there are apparently Sugar Water Pouring Predators and Siphoners all over the suburbs. We live on the edge. (An aside, I'm just waiting for someone to tell me their third cousin removed had this experience which will have me running to the mechanic.)

I have now rigged it with the wad of paper which sometimes falls out. This seems to throw the GSGT Paparrazi off their game a little. At least while driving. I'm waiting for "Hey, did you know someone stuck a wad of paper in your gas tank?" I guess I could class it up and make it blend in a little with black Magic Marker.

Between you and me? I'm concerned that the Good Samaritan Gas Tank Paparrazi is exactly why I haven't gotten it fixed yet.

I've gotten used to the notoriety. They say fame is an addiction. A few months more and I may be saying to Joey "No, dahling. We can't get the gas tank fixed. My public needs me."


We're thinking about trading La Fonda III in fairly soon because we need a little more space for our growing family. That's right - that's what it is.

Moral of the story? If you're ever in need of a self-esteem boost, a minor panic attack or would like an experience not too far off from Beatlemania, leave your gas tank open for extended periods of time.

I promise you, the Good Samaritan Gas Tank Paparazzi will not only come out of the woodwork, they'll make you feel loved.

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