Friday, December 18, 2009

Table of Holidays Past

Today is December 18th. One week until Christmas. I have to show you something that is pretty pathetic. Below is my Table of Holidays Past. Oh yes, what you are seeing is not just Thanksgiving decorations, but Halloween deco as well.

Look at them sitting their so sad. It's almost like The Isle of Misfit Toys, but for holiday decorations past their season. And here I am, putting them through the pain and misery of seeing Christmas decorations sitting where they were only a few months ago. It's rough being seasonal.

Since it's almost Christmas, I think it's time to dismantle the Table of Holidays Past. For the record, I promise I usually don't leave this stuff sitting around. Really. I promise.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Flat to Fabulous in Seconds!

No, I'm not talking about the latest and greatest push-up bra but as seen on TV, Bumpits. The makers of Bumpits claim that it will take your hair from flat to fabulous in seconds. If you haven't seen Bumpits infomercials on TV, they're just basically little half-moon shaped combs that you place under your hair to give it volume. It's kind of like implants for hair. Sort of. Well, not like hair plugs, but more like a hair lift. I have speculated that the lady on the Progressive commercial uses a Bumpit, but I haven't confirmed this.

I have been looking at a box of Bumpits on my counter for the past week. Joey and I bought it as a gag gift for a Christmas party last week and then left it at home by accident. We picked up a Topsy Turvy on the way instead. I was supposed to return it. Note the 'supposed'. Joey has asked "Hey, when are you going to take the Bumpit back"? "Oh, soon" I say. I am confessing to you now in confidence that I might not have taken the Bumpit back yet because I secretly want to try it.

Three things stand in the way of my using the Bumpits:

1. Joey would think it was a waste of $10
2. I unwittingly bought blonde Bumpits
3. I would feel like I was leading people on with my unnaturally large hair

I would like to find someone who has actually tried to 'bumpit'. Apparently the Bed Bath & Beyond where we bought it has run out several times from the demand. So there must be more people walking around with Bumpitted hair. There was a girl singing in the praise team at church on Sunday and I was almost sure she was wearing a Bumpit. The funny thing was that midway through, Joey leaned over and asked me "Do you think she wears a Bumpit?" He's on to us, ladies.

I think I'll circle the box a few more times before making my decision.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Rare Roast Beast

They'll feast on Who-Pudding and Rare-Who-Roast-Beast. Roast-Beast is a feast I can't stand in the least!
- The Grinch

Ugh! You're not going to believe what I just did. Well, if you know me very well maybe you will.

So you know that I've been trying to cook more lately, right? Last night we had homemade chili and it was great despite one small thing. Joey tasted it and really liked it. Then he said "What's that sweet taste right at the beginning?" Oops. I bet that came from the fact that I had an accident with the cinnamon when it came out in a huge clump that was definitely not 1/4 tsp. What can you do? But it really was very good, just a few bites were, ummm, extra cinnamony. Cinnamony Chili, my specialty. That was last night.

Tonight takes the cake. It is crock pot roast. I came home at lunch to put everything together. I threw the onions, potatoes, carrots, and meat and left feeling like Suzy Homemaker. I walked in the door from work to the delicious smell of roast. Is anything better than that? I bet if you could take a bite of the air it would taste like roast. I opened the lid to savor the delicious smell and then told Joey he better hurry to the gym because it would be ready within an hour.

He's at the gym right now. I should have told him to take his time. What I didn't notice is that I accidentally set the crock pot on low. So it's been cooking for 4.5 hours on low instead of high. I just looked up how long it should take if it's been cooking on low. Try 8-9 hours. Joey and I will be sitting down to a delicious pot roast somewhere between 9-10 PM tonight.

Hmmm...better start looking for a snack.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

O Christmas Music...

How I love thee...most of the time. My favorite radio station, KSBJ, plays Christmas music from the day after Thanksgiving through the Big Day. KSBJ is a Christian station and uses this time to encourage new listenership in hopes that they stick around the rest of the year. Their main focus is sharing the Gospel with people through the station. For the record, I'm all on board with this goal. I think it's great! However, (don't kill me) I'm not ready for Christmas music 24 hours a day until we're at least past the first week or two of December. I like to jingle, well...part of the way. I know, I know many of you can't fathom this.

Let me set the record straight before you think of me as a Grinch. I absolutely LOVE Christmas! Love it! The lights, giving gifts, decorations, traditions, family time, Christmas tree hunting, delicious food, and of course the Reason for the season, a time to celebrate Christ's birth. So it's established. I heart Christmas. And I heart Christmas music as well.

My rationing of Christmas music is based on the following two points:

1. If I listen to it beginning the day after Thanksgiving I will be all jollied out by the time we get to Christmas week and the music will have reached its saturation point. It's effect will be slightly dampened and I want to really be in the Christmas spirit.

2. I like the classics. We're talking Burl Ives, Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, Nat King Cole, the Chipmunks, etc. The good stuff. What I don't need to hear is every version of Jingle Bells known to man. I don't want to hear Silent Night coming from the Spice Girls, Miley Cyrus, or Bob Marley. We have plenty of Christmas albums sung by the greatest singers in the world. Just because you are a recording artist does not mean you need to make a Christmas album. Save it for the Macy's Day Parade when you're on top of a float.

Sorry for the short tirade, but I felt like I should explain myself. I will flip back to the station and listen to a few songs here and there and I may have it on a bit at my house, but I'm going to wait another week or so before fully immersing myself in Christmas music.

Just so you don't think I'm a complete Bah Humbug, here are a few of my absolute Christmas favorites from childhood:

1. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
2. Carol of the Bells - Transiberian Orchestra
3. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Burl Ives
4. Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In
5. All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey (ok, so maybe there are a few newbies)
6. O Holy Night
7. Rockin Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee?
8. What Child Is This?
9. Snow - Rosemary Clooney
10. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole

Ok, see? Now I'm in the Christmas spirit just thinking about it. Maybe I'll try to catch a few of these on the way back to work. But, I'm turning it as soon as Bob Marley's version comes on. You all know I'm kidding about Bob Marley, right? :)