Friday, January 8, 2010

Thank God I'm Not in Charge

Do you ever feel completely and totally overwhelmed? That's a dumb question. Of course you do. Everybody does at one time or another. Well today's one of those days. Let's extend that to this week. It's been one of those kind of weeks. You know, the kind that just kicks your tail? The kind of week that you are glad to get out of alive? That's this week. Thankfully, was this week.

I have been given a wonderful opportunity lately, for which I am so so so grateful for - exclamation point grateful. Along with opportunity comes responsibility and quick on its tail is that little word which wheedles its way into my brain every once in a while. I'm talking about the word failure. There. I said it. It just creeps up in times of high stress. It's half the reason why people don't take risks including yours truly. So amongst the stress I've been battling in my head the thought what if I fail at this?

So what does God say about it? That is the question that I'm leaning on. He says that I can mount on wings like eagles and do all things through Him. He says that he has given me gifts to be used for his glory and kingdom. That's what God says. The same guy who brought us the sun, moon, earth and stars is the one who loves me and gives me my strength. I've been looking to the wrong person: me.

Most of the time I know this. But it's so hard to let go! My little fingers are wrapped tightly around stuff. Anything I can hold on to and take credit. Tight. This is a big lesson in learning to let go. A puts you in your place kind of a lesson and yet it's comforting that I'm not in charge all at the same time. That's how He rolls I guess.

Good lyrics from Josh Wilson to keep in mind:

I try to be so tough,
but I'm just not strong enough.
I can't do this alone, God I need you
to hold on to me.
I try to be good enough,
but I'm nothing without your love.
Savior, please keep saving me.

Savior, please help me stand.
I fall so hard, I fade so fast.
Will you begin right where I end?
And be the God of all I am because you're all I have.

Everything you are to me
is everything I'll ever need.
and i am learning to believe
cause you're the one who's saving me.

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