Monday, May 4, 2009

The Custom Workout

Today I started a new workout regimen. Joey's friend owns a gym and designs custom workouts. He did one for Joey as he trained for the MS 150 and now he has fixed one up for me for I guess my intense walking the dog events and the occasional softball game or maybe just life. I'm really not sure what the occasion is. Tonight's workout consisted of chest and shoulder and a little interval training.

The Custom Workout was hidden inside the elastic of my shorts for easy cheating. Between exercises I would review my Custom Workout Post-It to get my next assignment. All of the exercises are in Trainerese and must be deciphered using a tedious process. Between every exercise I ask Joey what the heck is meant by upright rows or incline flys. Now, all this must be done while maintaining the look of "I know my way around the gym". This is not easy. I casually glance at my Custom Workout Post-It and try to memorize the new term. Then I locate Joey. I come up to him just like I'm shooting the breeze with a fellow power lifter and then I break it to him under my breath - "I have no idea what this is. Just give me the verbal in a whisper, slow, repeat, and absolutely no motions." Then hopefully all goes well when I actually try to put it into practice. If clarification is necessary then I move on to the next exercise and add that one to the Requires Sample Motions List. I'll get it on the next Joey Pass.

I'm not sure how long the veneer will last. The tremble as I lift my weights may give it away. Or maybe the way I clumsily clink the dumbells together for lack of control. Or the way I can barely open the door out of the gym due to Jelly Arms.

I may just have to give it up and be a newbie. Then maybe at least I'll get some sympathy and possibly even a few tips.

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