Dear Future Girlfriends of My Brothers,
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I'm about to focus on some the best advice of your life - or at least your life dating one of my brothers. It is small, but very important. There is one thing that you must wear at family functions. It's not a huge deal in the scheme of deals, but it says a lot about you. Or should I say it reveals a lot about you.
It's called 'clothing'.
What does not constitute clothing? That which shows anything of which you have pairs, and I'm not talking limbs or facial features, but rather the stuff in the middle - this is not clothing. If your bra straps become the most visible part of your top - this is not clothing. If a wet suit leaves more to the imagination - this is not clothing. Garments the size of postage stamps - this is not clothing.
Yes, I know you're in your physical prime. Yes, I know my brothers are cute. Yes, I know you want their attention. Yes, I have been in this position. Yes, I know you're a smart girl.
Hence, I know what you're doing. And so does my mother. And my sister. And my grandmother. And even my dad. We're all over it. It's not so subtle.
A Loving & Very Protective Older Sister
P.S. I am approving that a current GF is wearing actual clothing. This is just an address for all of those in the future based on past experiences.